Yet there is another approach…The approach that is very much like the games adults sometimes play… It would seem that patients truly need a child, that the time has come. And they might even abide by some medical recommendations. But then comes the first failure or maybe just a new turn in the treatment tactic, and the spouses start looking for someone to blame, cancelling the prescribed medication, collecting expert opinions et cetera. And they will play this game for years…The question arises: was it all about having a child, or was it so that they could just attend some medical examinations and then be able to tell themselves that they have done everything that is humanly possible to become a parent? The culmination of such an approach to childbirth is a patient’s never-ending preparation for an IVF programme and the large number of excuses they keep finding to never actually start this programme.
In this case, a doctor and a patient find themselves on different sides of the fence, and such collaboration, unfortunately, can never end well. To my mind, this is also a case of being secretly “child-free”. It is not something you can easily admit or something that you would want to admit; and telling yourself and others that “we really wanted it but they did not help us” is much easier.
Ultimately, children are not the only reason to live: some people cannot imagine their life without them, others should not even try to join this fight. But this is quite all right.